WE'RE NOT GONNA GO!!!
Author Unknown (if this is yours, please contact us so that we can give you proper credit)

 Oh Boy! Here's the premium list for a Show!
Oh no! Not that one! We're NOT gonna go!
Remember last year how we swore lose or win
That we'd never set foot on these show grounds again?

It was hot, it was dirty. and not enough shade,
The inadequate benching was so poorly made.
The entry was lousy in bitches and dogs,
And they charged way too much for their bad catalogs.

The rings were so distant and located far
From the quagmire where we abandoned the car
That we nearly collapsed from having to pack
The dogs, crates and penning over and back.

And we nearly expired from hunger and thirst,
'Cause the food and drink set- up was truly the worst.
And the ring was so small and on uneven ground;
There were stickers and weeds and debris all around.

And it's too far to travel for just one old show
So throw out the entries: we're not gonna go! 
We'll stay home and loaf and relax and be glad
For no bathing, nail trimming, and rushing like mad.

No hitting the road at the dawn's early light,
 No dragging home beat in the still of the night. 
Just think of all the time and expense  
We'll save by just using our good common sense.

However, there "is" one small thing I'll concede:
I would like to watch while they're judging our breed.
Say, I'll tell you what! Why don't we just go
As leisurely spectators viewing the show?

What a treat it will be to sit ringside with ease  
And after the judging, just leave when we please.  
No bother with dogs and all their regalia,
And all of the various paraphernalia.

But, as long as we'll be there, what could be wrong
With 'just for fun' taking one dog along?
OK! We'll take one. But the problem is: which?
A pup? The special? A dog or a bitch?

If we took a puppy it would just be for fun
But we could sure use the points if the dog or bitch won.

We'll never decide - it's no use to stall.
Dig out the entries - We'll enter them all!
But if it turns out as bad as we fear,
We'll really and truly stay home "next" year!

Lament Of A Lady Who's Gone To The Dogs

There was a time, there really was, When I was sweet and tender,
When show dog meant a Disney star, And bitch was not a gender.

I went to bed at half past ten; I went to church on Sunday;
On Saturday I baked the beans And did the wash on Monday.

But then I got a certain pup, And an erstwhile friend said, "show",
And so I did and so I do, Oh, what I didn't know.

I used to dress with flair and style, That was the life, don't knock it.
But now each dress from bed to ball Must have a good bait pocket.

I used to have a certain air, I wallowed in perfume,
I used to smell of nuit d'amour, Now I smell like Mr. Groom.

My furniture was haut decor, My pets were a tank of guppies.
Now I've furniture unstuffed, And well-adjusted puppies.

Once I spoke in pristine prose, In dulcet tones and frail,
But now I'm using language, That would turn a sailor pale.

I was taught to be well-groomed No matter where I went.
Now all the grooming that I do Is in the handler's tent.

I used to long for furs and jewels And a figure classed as super,
Now the thing I yearn for most Is a nice new pooper-scooper.

I adored a man who murmured verse Through intimate little dinners,
But now the words I thrill to hear, Are just three- "Best of Winners"

I rise at dawn and pack the car The road ahead's a long one.
The one I routed on the maps Invaribly's the wrong one.

I really love this doggy life I wouldn't care to change it.
But when I get that Best in Show I plan to rearrange it.

When my time on earth is done I'll go without much nudging
Just give me three weeks closing date And let me know who's judging

Author Unknown